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Goth Dragon's Rant's
My own views, some you might agree with, others might be offended.

sadly, it's that time.

given that my time at work doesn't leave me with much spare time, and what little i do have i tend to beta other writers fiction and want to concentrate more on my own, i'm closing all my other journals. i just don't have the energy to try to keep up with everything, so i'm opening a new one where i can post my fiction and other assorted what-not.

Current Music: "Closing Time" - Semisonic

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society is a funny thing. well, the people are, at least. for the most part, they feel some strange need to constantly stare at someone that appears different.

granted, we dress to get people to look at us, but not stare. whether it be the flattering top that shows maybe just a bit too much cleavage, or the excessively large belt buckle drawing attention to the crotch, as nothing else is, we all want people to see and appreciate the way we look.

and i am no different, really. sure, i might not care if people look or not, i know that they are going to, and expect it, even though to be honest, i'm not sure why. i don't have hair that's cut in some strange fashion and dyed an unnatural color, don't have any unusual or excessive amount of facial piercings. and i don't wear any freakish, torn clothing.

just black dress slacks, black oxford shirts, black silk tie, and on occasion, if the weather is a bit cool, a charcoal trench coat, though you might say that it's black. that's it. i look like any average lawyer or office worker.

and the black nail polish.

corporate goth, nothing major, but i have people stare at me constantly. and frankly, i find it annoying, rude, and offensive. i'm a person, an individual, not some animal on display in the zoo. and i know, that for some reason, you are going to look at me, which is alright. strange, but acceptable. but if you continue to stare, i will embarrass the hell out of you and demanding a $5 fee for the show. treat me like something to be gawked at, and i treat you as one of the gawkers. (if you want to throw compliments, i guess that would be okay, but as the sign says, 'don't feed the animals.')

thus ends today's rant and lesson.

Current Music: Winterborn - The Crüxshadows

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used too, i had a saying that i thought could sum up people.

"there are two types of people. those that believe in ufos and those that don't."

not entirely accurate, per se, but it worked. basically, there were either those that believed, or those that didn't.

but now, i think that no longer really applies. especially given the work situation that i just dealt with.

see, my boss wanted me to program a web page for his business. no biggie, really. i asked him what he wanted it to look like and all that. he gave me free reign, telling me to do whatever i wanted, make it look good. (which is something you should never tell a programmer, btw.)

o i did, making a nice, professional looking site with an easy navigation system and such. that's when he stepped in and said he wanted this here, that done, and can you put this in here as well?

no, i can't. i mean i can, but i can't just put it in there. i already have the css layout done, and to do what he wanted meant that i would have to program what was needed, and once again check everything, hoping that it hadn't screwed up what was already there. and change as needed.

yeah, nothing like sorting through some 50,000 lines of code trying to figure out why that one word is the wrong color, or that one paragraph isn't the right font. as one co-worker stated, "whoa, that's a lot of coding." true, but it was a lot less than it could have been.

and back to my opening. there aren't believers anymore. just those that know about the difficulties of completely re-writing code, and those that don't.

my boss? i don't think he beleives in ufos. guess we'll see when he sees the final mock up today.
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i know i've ranted on the topic of work here before, but this time it's different, as it's not so much about work, but something i found out at work, and something not discussed here before. sex.

possibly not work safe due to topicCollapse )

Current Mood: curious curious

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a quick glance through my friends list shows that all the people i know from the filthy city are now covered in snow. lucky me, having moved back home just prior to that. have i mentioned that i'm not a big fan of snow? i mean, i'm sure it's great and all, it's just not my thing.

finding myself quickly becoming re-adapted to the climate here, seeing as how i've missed it. getting settled in, and things are going well. though, there are some things that aren't so good.

given that i was limited on what i could bring with me, given that the bus system only allows for two bags up to a specific size, there were some things that i had to leave behind. it's to be expected, of course. what wasn't expected, however, is the things that i simply forgot for some reason. toothbrush, charger for the phone, things of that nature. small things, that you really don't miss until for some reason you find yourself on a bus and needing it, then you remember that it's still plugged into the wall behind the couch.

so yeah, phone is pretty much useless right now. surprisingly, works, and not roaming, but not a whole lot of power left. so will pretty much be left to communications via e-mail and lj.

best wishes to all, and those that found themselves buried in 15 inches of cold whiteness,...

**sits back in shorts and tank top, under clear blue skies** it's great here, glad i'm not there. and be sure to knock one back at daze for me.

best wishes, all.

Current Mood: relaxed relaxed

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strange to find myself here, in this paradox of being both completely exhausted and alert at the same time.

left at 3:20 pm monday, and arrived at minneapolis at 7:15 as planned, where i was supposed to transfer at 8:25. however, for some reason, at about 9:00 pm, we were finnaly told that the bus was running late, as they couldn't find a driver. and that was all they told us. finally, at about 10:45, we were politely informed that if they couldn't find a driver by 11:00, then that schedule would be cancelled. and, sure enough, that's what happened. the next available bus leaving my way wasn't until 7:00 am the next day, and luckily, sinci i had originated at a point outside of the min/st. paul area, they put me up in a hotel room gratis. which was kind of them, as i really didn't want to sleep in the bus terminal, which would close at 1:00 am.

so about 12:45 am, get to sllep, waking up at 5:30 to get ready, so as to be there early. heaven forbid i missed my bus and would have to wait again. so, going on approximately 4 1/2 hours of sleep, boarded the bus and left at 7:00 am, and stayed on the same bus for nearly 24 hours, arriving here at just before 7:00 am this morning. of course, there was the occasional 10 minute stop for smoke breaks and the like, but for the most part, sat in the same uncomfortable seat for a full day. tried to get some sleep, which resulted in brief 10-20 minute naps at the most, so got little sleep. which explains the exhausted part.

and, being back in my home state, brings me some level of consciousness that has kept me surprisingly alert.

and being quite hungry, off to get some lunch of some sort. will update more later, as doing this from a borrowed laptop.

Current Mood: exhausted tired and alert
Current Music: creaking joints and sore muscles complaining and stretching

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and so the time is nigh upon me, when i head down another path that life has placed before me.

leaving behind friends old and new, the memories of times shared, the good and the bad.

and even though i am leaving, i'll not say good-bye, for to say good-bye means forever. and i dont believe in saying bye forever, as i believe that somewhere, we shall meet again. perhaps in this lifetime, maybe the next, or the one after that.

so instead, i say to you, my friends, until our paths cross again, be well in your lives and all that you do.

have a couple more things to get packed, and then monday, i'm moving. not sure when i'll be able to update agan, but i will be back, hopefully not to long afterwards.

until then, best of luck in all that you do.
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first, must apologize for my lack of posting lately.

have had a lot going on in my personal life lately, and as such, all my on-line time has been spent primarily commenting on friends journals, as well as im and e-mail conversations.

but now, well, can't go without posting, as this will help a bit with some of the stress i'm going through. and given that this is x-posted to personal journal, sorry for those reading it twice.

as many of you know, i've been having trouble with my landlady lately. for those that don't know the whole story, here goes:

back in the end of september, the kids in the upstairs apartment decided to set off fireworks on their porch, for reasons unknown. while there was no real damage to the place other than the entryway burning, that apartment was condemed, and they moved out while it was remodeled. in late sept, early oct, the guy that was doing the repairs also started remodeling my apartment, the downstairs unit. (keyword being started.) the entire kitchen cabinets were removed, and while new ones were put in, the countertop was not installed, nor was the sing hooked back up. that was all that was done.

i was told in novenber that my rent would be going up from $350 a month to $450 a month, and that she would be paying the electic and water. (at least, that was my understanding.) i told her that at the time, i wouldn't be able to afford that, given that my income was based off tips, and at that time of year, peoples spending can be somewhat erratic and unpredictable. so she would wait until i got a room mate.

in december, the 21 to be exact, i returned home at 1 in the am, ( so was technically the 22 when i discovered it) to find that the upstairs apartment was flooding, and all the water was pouring down into my unit. part of the ceiling had given way, thus blocking the door, and upon finally forcing open the back door, i found water pouring down the walls, from the light fixtures, everywhere.

while the exact cause is unknown, i was told that somehow during the remodeling upstairs, one of the windows was broken, thus causing their pipes to freeze and break. possible, i suppose. while the water was finally turned off, it was a couple days before they figured out which pipes where what so that i could have water. then began the tedious process of trying to dry everything out and see what was ruined and what was salvageable. i had my things out, allowing them to dry. i returned from work one day to find that they had all been carelessly thrown back into the closet.

finally got a room mate, a co-worker, who moved in about the 10th of january. and from the 12 to 15th, finally saw the guy who was supposed to be doing the repairs, as he finally put the countertop on the cabinets, and hooked the sink back up. (woot! some two and a half months later i now have a working kitchen sink!) it was then that he removed part of the flooring, given that after becoming water logged, had popped up and prevented the bedroom door from closing. was also supposed to repair the cieling at this time, as well as all the other repairs that needed to be done. i haven't seen him since then.

given that haven't been making much past couple of months, and repairs were not getting done, haven't paid much in rent. and when told was going to have to move out at the first of feb, haven't paid anything. on tuesday, was given a hand written note saying that i had five days to vacate.

yesterday, went out enjoying my first day off of work in 9 days, and went home to do laundry. got home to find that she's there, and has all of my things packed up in trashbags and either thrown down in the basement, or up against the wall by the door, and that i have to be completely moved out by today. i bit my tongue, preventing me from lashing out in an argument that i knew i would have done. waited till she left, talked to some friends, and then took more pictures of the place, as well as the condition of my belongings.

was supposed to work this evening, but given that i'm uncertain as to where my work uniform is, much less been able to wash it, and since have several things to do today, stopped by work and told them i would not be in this evening, even though i really could use what little money i would make.

so now, have to get the pictures developed, call the lawyer back as she wasn't in, and go to the housing authority.

this is a headache that i wanted to avoid, but now, have no other choice.

Current Mood: rushed frantic, stressed, bitchy
Current Music: 'you' by amy lee

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argh!!!!!!!!!!!! is there no end to the insanity? how do i get rid of them?!?!?!?!?

logged into my gmail today to find that the 8 remaining invites i have managed to keep over the past week or so mysteriousl increase up to 50. and, upon logging into my other three accounts, one had 50, one 6, and the third, thankfully, doesn't even have an area for invites. (maybe because i never sent any to begin with?) so, at the moment, i have 106 invites. and withing the next several days, i feel, that it will suddenly become 150. now how am i supposed to get rid of 150 invites? sell them on ebay? wait. can't give them away, so no one will buy them either. could always send myself more invites, so have even more email accounts to check. (and have a lot as it is anyways.) **bangs head**

took pics of the apartment last night. well, the things that have still yet to be repaired. this way i'll have some evidence, as it looks like i might have to go to court over the whole thing. i don't really want to, but i might not have a choice, and taking every precaution to protect myself.

(x-posted to personal journal)

Current Mood: pensive pensive
Current Music: 'comfortably numb' pink floyd

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funny how we tend to see ourselves differently than others see us. or how we might really be. for example, i got these results from a silly little quiz, (and we know how acurate those can be.)

You Have A Type A- Personality


You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

i must say, probably pretty accurate for the most part, given the answers i gave, which were honest. however, when i just step back and look at myself, that's not really what i see. and that's not the only case. there have been many times when people tell me that i'm this or that, and to me, i think that they're smoking crack or from another planet.

which leads to an interesting hypothosis: could it be that i am those things by not trying to be them? i mean, when someone claims to be god's gift to women, what's our first impression? that they are definately not said gift, right?

but if we are just ourselves, doing things that we would normally do, others might see things in us that we couldn't or wouldn't. case in point: i have been called a god before. there is someone that has truly named me as her god in bed. (yeah, i can't figure it out either) i myself, would never claim to be that, simply based on the fact of experience. or lack thereof, as i've only had 4 partners in the past nearly 4 years. and that's it. (for those good at math, yes i was 27 my first time.)

so how is it that someone else can not only see me as some sex-god, but actually call me one? by me not trying to be one. i don't brag about my sexual prowess. hell, not really sure that i have any. but that doesn't matter, really. the important thing is that i pay attention to my partner, notice the reactions. go with what she likes, don't on the dislikes.

i don't talk about what a god i am. i do what a god would do, i suppose.

and that is the most important thing to remember. actions speak louder than words.

so, if that is true, makes me wonder about what other have told me that i dissagree with about myself. might they be right also? we shall have to see what new discoveries are made.

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music: 'broken' seether w/ amy lee

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